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Herald

 
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Hotspur
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 07:31 am    Post subject: Herald Reply with quote

Old Dodos should really know better

THE Chingford Polecat, Lord Nincompoop Tebbit, has dished Sir Misery Rifkind’s chances of leading the Dodo Party. “With every respect to my friend Malcolm Rifkind,” slavered the Polecat, “I don’t think a Scottish lawyer would win an enormous amount of seats in England.” What he meant to say, of course, was “an enormous number of seats”. It is, alas, an all-too-common failing of Dodos who insist on pointing out the failings of others when they themselves are far from perfect. The days when the Dodos could weigh seats or votes are happily long gone. It is also, I suppose, pointless to point out to Lord Chingford that with an English lawyer at the helm the Dodos hardly covered themselves in glory at the recent election. Nor, I dare say, is it worth mentioning that a Scottish English lawyer is the present incumbent of No 10. An indication of just how dire is the state of the Dodos came in a statement from David Mundell, their lonely Scottish MP. Reacting to the Polecat’s vapourings, he said: “I don’t think being Scottish is either positive or negative.” What does he think we are? Batteries?



Trust the Tories to set Scotland free

WE are slouching towards independence. Do not though thank – blame? – Ecky Salmon, the leaping Gnat. Nor can we hold other pro-separatism parties to account. When independence comes, as it surely must, the perpetrators will be the Dodos. According to its house organ, the Torygraph, the gap between the amount of public money spent per head in Scotland compared with that spent in England has grown “despite devolution”.

As a consequence, Little Englanders are greetin’. For instance, £1456 is spent per head on health in Scotland, mostly on eradicating nits. The figure in England is £1225. In Scotland, £852 is spent per head on education, which means that we know the difference between “number” and “amount”. In England, a paltry £695 is spent, so you can become a member of the House of Lords without a grasp of common usage.

The Dodos have just woken up to the fact that they won 60,000 more votes than Labour in the South under a political system known as “daylight robbery”, which gave them 92 fewer seats. How could this be? they wondered, and began to plot revenge. What they would like to see happen is Scottish MPs barred from voting on purely English matters, such as morris dancing and football hooliganism. While Irn Broon and Doctor Finlay Reid are kicking about Westminster they can forget it. But come the day when the Polecat’s pals are in charge, Scotland will once again be targeted, as it was for the poll tax. This time, though, nationalism will be the alternative to protest march bunions. Free by 20 past three? You read it here first!
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"the truth is that colouring federalism with nationalism is like painting a rat red: it kills the animal.

Federalism and Nationalism are contradictory and mutually Fatal".
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Andy
My sword shall not sleep in my hand
My sword shall not sleep in my hand


Joined: 16 Jun 2004
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 10:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well at least he's balanced - he has a chip on both shoulders! Shocked
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KnightofStGeorge
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Joined: 02 Nov 2004
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another Scot wanker Rolling Eyes
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Great winds of change are blowing,
King Alfred strides his land again,
And Drake's loud drum is rolling.


In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, brave, hated and scorned.
When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

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Geongwulf
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Joined: 06 May 2003
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 16:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not worth giving it the dignity of reply.
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Versus
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Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Posts: 6340
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2005 16:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Herald Reply with quote

Hotspur wrote:
What they would like to see happen is Scottish MPs barred from voting on purely English matters, such as morris dancing and football hooliganism.


Damn right Cool!

Just like you don't want us to vote on purely Scottish matters, such as trying to encourage men to wear skirts, and create a public service out of providing free haggis.
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sam
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2005 01:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The opening paragraph of that post could have been written by Len Laughing
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Rob
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2005 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
with an English lawyer at the helm the Dodos hardly covered themselves in glory at the recent election


Who would that be then?



You'd never lose a penny overestimating the ignorance of the Scots.
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